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Dear Mom,

Your anniversary was last Tuesday. I miss you insanely, intensely much. I cannot truthfully tell you how much I miss you. So much so, that if I were to let myself, I would be a puddle of grief once more, much like I was in the hours leading up to your death. It was so hard for me that day. And it was harder still for me the day of your anniversary. I did not allow myself to cry too much since I had to work, but when I was there I kept it together.

We all miss you so much, Mom. I know you know this, I know you see it and that you miss us too. We are doing OK. Not great, but OK. Dad misses you, I miss you, David misses you. I cannot tell you. I cannot do more than just try to smile and move on about my business. You are so wonderful.

I have decided a few things, too, which I think are cool, but that you might not like at all, and that you would think are inappropriate and not OK. It's been about a year and I was thinking of something that I could put in the house, or maybe wear, that is explicitly you that will let me remember everything and all our memories together, including and up to the end of our journey. And then it hit me while a coworker was looking at Memorial Ribbons for different causes. I asked her to look up the color of reproductive cancers in women, particularly uterine, cervical and ovarian cancers. They were all the same color: Teal. It was then I realized what I wanted. I decided that I want to get a memorial tattoo of a treble clef in teal somewhere on my body. I was thinking on my wrist, but I'm not sure about that yet. All I know is I want that treble clef. That way I can remember you forever and show the world, quietly and carefully, that you are with me, and I love you.

I am dealing particularly well. As best as I can, anyway. You would be quite proud of all of us. You're so missed. And I'll say it again. I love you. I miss you. I wish you were still here. But I know you're up there in Heaven. And I appreciate when you visit me. Makes it easy to cope with, knowing you come by every once in a while. For now that's all.

I love you, forever and always.

Love,
Christy